We're finally settled in the coach,
We'll soon be on our way,
A motley crew of forty four,
Bound for a Winter holiday.
The driver introduces himself,
His name is Joe and he
Proceeds to tell the route we'll take
And where we'll stop for tea.
It isn't very long before
Mr. Know-All gets his map,
"This surely is a long way round,
I wouldn't go this way old chap"!
He's been everywhere before
Many times, but Joe
Doesn't let it bother him,
At least it doesn't show.
"Is the heating working well?"
Mr. Know-All's feet are cold,
But when the coach is nicely warm,
His feet will swell, we're told.
And so it goes the journey on,
Some satisfied, some not
And poor Joe does his best to please
This mixed assorted lot.
Now we're in the dining room,
At tables , where we share
Our meals with five assorted folk
And Mrs. Moaner's there,
She doesn't want the meal that's served,
She'd like some fish instead
And can she have some tartare sauce
And butter for her bread?
She thinks the pudding's much too sweet,
She'd rather have some cheese,
So Waiter runs to get her some
And does his best to please.
There's Eric and his Yorkshire wife,
They're friendly in their way
And Walter's wife continually chats,
So he hasn't much to say!
Each night when dinner time comes round,
The ladies do their best
To glamourise and preen themselves
And each vies with the rest
To outdo them with her prettiest dress,
With necklace, earrings too
And jangling bracelets, silver, gold,
The gents look natty too!
Maybe it's just as well, that we
Don't know what's in their mind,
For maybe looking now at us,
Even stranger folk they'll find.